Monday, October 02, 2006

Hunchback of Notre Dame

Poor Scribbles! She has a long term English literature project due in a couple of weeks at the Pohick Royal Academy of Technology and Science (PRATS). She was asked to select a classic book for her literature class. After she reads the book, she will be required to put together a number of in-depth projects that analyze and demonstrate the various themes of the book.

Scribbles selected the Hunchback of Notre Dameas her classic book. Jake asked her, "Why did you select that book?" Scribbles answered, "Because I've already seen the movie." Jake asked, "Which version of movie are you referring to?" Scribbles starred for a moment and then asked, "You mean there is more than one? I've seen the Hunchback of Notre Dame Disney Animated Classic."
Jake who is unarguably not the most learned man in the kingdom still knew that Scribbles had made an ill informed decision. Unlike the Disney Movie where everyone gets to live happily ever after, the classic book ensures that everyone suffers tremendously and then meets an untimely demise. As if that weren't bad enough, the book doesn't even come right out and say that. It forces the reader to suffer through page after page of arcane and inarticulate speech. Here is an example:

"'Tis you who are in error," replied the archdeacon, gravely. "Daedalus is the base; Orpheus is the wall; Hermes is the edifice,--that is all. You shall come when you will," he continued, turning to Tourangeau, "I will show you the little parcels of gold which remained at the bottom of Nicholas Flamel's alembic, and you shall compare them with the gold of Guillaume de Paris. ~Abbas beati Martini, SCILICET REX FRANCIAE, est canonicus de consuetudine et habet parvam proebendam quam habet sanctus Venantius, et debet sedere in sede thesaurarii~.
And yes, that is the English translation of the book. Jake doesn't really have any idea what the writer was trying to get across with that passage. Unfortunately, Scribbles who is usually quite the voracious reader, can't seem to get through more than a few pages without slipping into a narcoleptic slumber.

Jake's tip(s) of the Day:

1) Need a classic book for English Literature Class? - Don't base your selection on a Disney Movie.
2) Need a spiritual pick-me-up? - Don't pick the Hunchback of Notre Dame.
3) Need a sleeping pill substitute? - You can try reading the hunchback if you like. It will definitely knock you out. Hitting yourself on the head with a hammer will be less painful in the long run though.

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