We got Pink Flamingos In The Front Yard

OK, all you country and western fans. Do you remember the Tracy Byrd song, Pink Flamingos?

There is a line in the song that says:

We got pink flamingos in the front yard
Picture window with a view of Wal-Mart
Blue collar heaven domestic bliss
It just doesn't get any better than this
We got pink flamingos, pink flamingos, pink flamingos

Well, as a matter of fact we do have some pink flamingos in the front yard. Jake claims that he is testing the reaction time of the home owner's association "Covenant Compliance Patrol". You see, Pink Flamingos and the like are specifically forbidden by the home owner's association rules. We are expecting a knock at the door any day now to let us know that we are not in compliance.

Now, we have learned that there is going to be a new Wal-Mart constructed just down the street. Is this a case of life imitating art or art imitating life? You decide. In any event, just like the song says, "it just doesn't get any better than this".

Cooking for Dummies

OK, for the record, Scribbles is a very smart young woman. She is intelligent, a straight A student, a talented musician, nice to old people and small children, etc. But to be just a bit candid, she is a menace in the kitchen.

Oh yes, I can hear the responses from my loyal readers now. Probably some accusation that this is just another embellished yarn from the old Jakester. But lest you doubt me, let me tell you of tonight's ordeal. Jake, Sarah and Scribbles being left to their own devices decided to prepare a small repast. Nothing too elaborate mind you. Just some hot dogs and mashed potatoes. (Yes, I know that is an odd combination, but it is Saint Patrick's Day after all.) As Jake and Sarah set about preparing the frankfurters, Scribbles was assigned the task of preparing the mashed potatoes. Did I mention that they were instant mashed potatoes? Jake figured that there was no way that an honor student could possibly mess up cooking instant mashed potatoes. But alas gentle readers, it is indeed possible. Apparently if you add the mashed potatoes prior to bringing the water to a boil, the potatoes can actually explode in volcano-like fashion out of the pot. Who knew? Well, that is one lesson we chalked up to the school of hard knocks as we began to wash mashed potatoes off of the stove, walls, floor, counters, windows, and ceiling.

Now, Scribbles' lack of culinary competence wouldn't ordinarily be cause for concern, but she is starting to receive applications for college. Jake is actually a little afraid that the poor girl will either starve to death or will in some fit of hunger induced desperation burn down her apartment building. Jake figures that there are three options: 1) teach Scribbles to cook, 2) send her armed with the book Cooking For Dummies, or 3) Just get her a meal plan at the school's dining facility. Hmmmmm.... Yep, it does indeed seem prudent to get her the meal plan. In the mean time however, we will continue to work with her on the cooking basics. Wish us luck! And keep the fire extinguisher handy!

Space Humor

Molly needs a few space related jokes for her new job at the US space and rocket center. Here are a few that Jake came up with. If you have any good ones that are suitable for a young audience, please post them.

• Two astronauts went to a restaurant on the moon, but they left after a few minutes. You see, the food was OK, but it had no atmosphere !
• What do you call a spaceship with a faulty air-conditioning unit? A frying saucer
• What holds the moon up ?Moon beams !
• Why don't aliens celebrate Christmas?
  Because they don't like to give away their presence.
• How do we know that Saturn was married more than once? Because it has a lot of rings.
  
• What do moon people do when they get married? They go off on their honeyearth!
• What did the astronaut cook for lunch? An unidentified frying object!
• If athletes suffer from athlete's foot, what do astronauts suffer from? Missile-toe!
  

OK, so some of those were pretty bad. If you can do better please let us know.