Happy New Year

Happy New Year from the Pohick family. Did you usher in the New Year in Style?

Jake is busily scribbling down his new year's resolutions. Surprisingly, they look suspiciously like last year's resolutions.

Jake's Resolutions
1. Lose weight
2. Spend less money (Yes, Kings have a budget too)
3. Learn to do something that he doesn't already know how to do. (He was considering Gourmet Cooking , but that seemed to be in conflict with resolution number 1)

So, what are your new year's resolutions? Leave us a comment and let us know what you plan to accomplish in the new year.

And the Winner Is .....

Jake was the winner of this year's "Best Christmas Decorations in Pohick" contest. Of course if you leave your Christmas lights up all year round and just keep adding to them each year, you are bound to win sooner or later. This year Jake connected the Christmas lights up to his computer using a device he purchased from Animated Lighting. The judges were obviously mesmerized as the castle morphed from color to color. Molly is not pleased with this award because she believes that Jake will just go to even further extremes in order to win first place again next year.

The King is Dead, Long Live the King

No excuses. Jake only intended to take only a short break from the rough and tumble world of blogging, but the next thing he knew it was two months later. Wow, time does indeed fly. Since things are starting to wind down at the end of the year, we should be able to begin providing our faithful readers with more regular updates. Well....more regular than every two months at least. And to all of those faithful readers who have continued to read this blog every day despite the fact that I haven't posted anything.....err....thanks. We will now return you to the regularly schedule program already in progress.

Running Girl

Yesterday, Princess Yellow Hair competed in the annual Pohick Marathon. She did an excellent job finishing the course with her fastest time yet. Jake said that he was going to run along with YH to pace her and offer encouragement, but apparently there was some sort of altercation at the snack stand that demanded his attention. Congratulations YH on her fine performance!

Japanese Embassy

During the Freedom Walk Volksmarch, our band of weary travelers took a brief respite at the Japanese Embassy.

Freedom Walk

This week, the Pohick Clan along with Scribbles' girl scout troop participated in a Volksmarch called the US Freedom Walk Festival. The weekend long event was billed as a non-competitive social walking challenge bringing participants of all ages and abilities together for fun, fitness and fellowship. Jake just called the event 12 km (7.4 miles) of joy. Actually, the only reason that Jake actually completed the walk was that Molly alternated between cajoling him and walking ahead of him with a candy bar.

Everclear

Jake was on a business trip this week. He was sitting in the hotel bar eating a sandwich. A few fellows came into the bar and sat near Jake. As the bar was mostly empty, Jake engaged these newcomers in conversation. "So, what line of business are you fellows in?", he asked. One of the fellows said, "We have a band." "Oh", Jake asked. "What is the name of your band." The fellow then replied, "Our band is named Everclear." "Cool", Jake said.

After talking with these fellows for awhile, Jake learned that Everclear was just laying over for the evening to give their bus driver a rest. "That is mighty considerate of them", Jake thought. He also learned that their next gig was in Tuscaloosa and they had three dates left on this tour. They have recently released a new album called Welcome to the Drama Club
After their next three dates, they will be heading back to their home in Portland, Oregon. After hanging out with the band, Jake asked the fellows if they would mind having their picture taken with him. They were very gracious and Jake wished them all good luck with the rest of the tour.

Your Wish is My Command

Jake's sister, the Vice-President of the dairy farmer's association was very insistent that she was not going to let Jake take her picture. She was concerned that Jake would somehow alter her image and put a funny hat on her head or dots on her face. After Jake crossed his heart and promised that he would not put any funny accessories on his favorite sister she finally relented to having her picture taken.

Pohick Trivia: I'll bet that you didn't know that the average person in Pohick drinks 23 gallons of milk per year.

Funny Farm

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. A member of the Pohick clan ended up with their very own padded room. Of course everyone always assumed that it would be Jake. Who would have guessed that mild mannered Squeaky would end up being the one on the inside looking out.

This must have had something to do with that wild and crazy Pohick High School class of 1961 reunion.

Happy Birthday Little Dairy Farmer

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday Little Dairy Farmer
Happy Birthday to You

This week, we celebrated the birthday of the littlest member of the Pohick Dairy Farmer's Association. In keeping with tradition, the birthday boy was allowed to go crazy with his birthday cake.

The party was a great success and would have been perfect if not for a small incident involving Jake. What happened you ask? Well, we really don't wan't to rehash the gruesome details. Let's just say that while aggressively eating your cake with both hands while rubbing it on your face and in your hair is cute with a one year old, it loses some of it's appeal with a 40 year old.

I Scream You Scream

After a recent band event at the Pohick Royal Academy of Technology and Science, the band boosters provided the students with a little ice cream.

One scoop, two scoops, three scoops, four

Eat some ice cream and ask for more

Hot fudge, peanuts, whip cream too

Ice cream comes from critters that moo

Jake who attended the event refrained from confiscating any of Princess Scribbles' Ice Cream or to use the Pohick Vernacular he refrained from imposing a Ice Cream Tax. Of course while the band was performing, Jake sampled a large variety of band festival food to include nachos and cheese, pretzels, pop corn and a lovely pulled pork BBQ sandwich.

Bench Warrant

A bench warrant was issued today for several members of the Pohick clan. Molly and Yellow Hair finally got down to the business of finishing a bench that Molly received for her birthday from Squeaky about a year ago.

Molly went to the local home supply store to purchase some stain. Apparently she really likes the particular shade she purchased, because when she returned home she realized that she had a entire case of the exact same color and brand already sitting in the garage. Oh Well, I guess you can't have too much of a good thing. Jake is now afraid though that everything in the castle will soon be a lovely shade of Polyshades Natural Cherry Gloss from Minwax.

Molly and Yellow Hair did a fine job on the bench. Jake especially liked the fact that he was not asked to participate in this project. There is a very slight chance that the only reason he was not asked to participate was that he was nowhere to be found. His story is that he didn't realize that there was work to be done. A likely story.

Hunchback of Notre Dame

Poor Scribbles! She has a long term English literature project due in a couple of weeks at the Pohick Royal Academy of Technology and Science (PRATS). She was asked to select a classic book for her literature class. After she reads the book, she will be required to put together a number of in-depth projects that analyze and demonstrate the various themes of the book.

Scribbles selected the Hunchback of Notre Dameas her classic book. Jake asked her, "Why did you select that book?" Scribbles answered, "Because I've already seen the movie." Jake asked, "Which version of movie are you referring to?" Scribbles starred for a moment and then asked, "You mean there is more than one? I've seen the Hunchback of Notre Dame Disney Animated Classic."
Jake who is unarguably not the most learned man in the kingdom still knew that Scribbles had made an ill informed decision. Unlike the Disney Movie where everyone gets to live happily ever after, the classic book ensures that everyone suffers tremendously and then meets an untimely demise. As if that weren't bad enough, the book doesn't even come right out and say that. It forces the reader to suffer through page after page of arcane and inarticulate speech. Here is an example:

"'Tis you who are in error," replied the archdeacon, gravely. "Daedalus is the base; Orpheus is the wall; Hermes is the edifice,--that is all. You shall come when you will," he continued, turning to Tourangeau, "I will show you the little parcels of gold which remained at the bottom of Nicholas Flamel's alembic, and you shall compare them with the gold of Guillaume de Paris. ~Abbas beati Martini, SCILICET REX FRANCIAE, est canonicus de consuetudine et habet parvam proebendam quam habet sanctus Venantius, et debet sedere in sede thesaurarii~.

And yes, that is the English translation of the book. Jake doesn't really have any idea what the writer was trying to get across with that passage. Unfortunately, Scribbles who is usually quite the voracious reader, can't seem to get through more than a few pages without slipping into a narcoleptic slumber.

Jake's tip(s) of the Day:

1) Need a classic book for English Literature Class? - Don't base your selection on a Disney Movie.
2) Need a spiritual pick-me-up? - Don't pick the Hunchback of Notre Dame.
3) Need a sleeping pill substitute? - You can try reading the hunchback if you like. It will definitely knock you out. Hitting yourself on the head with a hammer will be less painful in the long run though.

Dirty Dozen

Jake was sound asleep and having that fantastic dream that he has all the time. Yep, you guessed it. It was the one where Jake is at an all-you-can-eat buffet and no matter how much he eats, he never gets stuffed. Just as Jake was heading back to the buffet for 15ths, he was awoken from his slumber by a persistent thumping on his chest.

Molly had apparently gotten up early and gone down to the kitchen. Upon inspecting the mouse traps, she discovered that one of the rodents (Number Twelve) had gotten himself ensnared. Feeling particularly brave, she transferred the critter into the mobile mouse detainment and transport mechanism all by herself and took it upstairs to show Jake. As Jake opened his bleary, sleep encrusted eyes, he was face to face with a mouse.

Molly said, "Now that I've done the hard part, you need to transport him far from the castle. Don't even think about letting him loose less than two miles from the castle."

Jake decided to enlist some help since he was going to have to hike so far. He talked Princess Yellow Hair into going with him. Princess Yellow Hair was starting to get cabin fever anyway since she had been locked away in the tower for the last week suffering from her second case of chickenpox. Jake figured that a little fresh air would do her some good.

Yellow Hair, who was obviously feeling a little cantankerous after her week of solitary confinement suggested just letting the mouse loose at one of the neighbor's castles. Jake thought about this idea, but quickly decided that this would not be the right thing to do and he so informed Yellow Hair. Besides he thought to himself, someone might see them and let Molly know. It was with a certain amount of pride though that he considered the scheme that Yellow Hair had come up with. "She takes after her dear old dad", he thought.

In any event, they not only transported the mouse far from the castle, but they also crossed several streams just to ensure that number twelve had no chance of finding his way back to the castle. Mouse War Index.

That Wild and Crazy Class of 1961

Last week, Squeaky (Jake's Mom) had her high school class reunion. She won't let us say how old she is, but as the photo below of the reunion says in big bold letter, "Class of 1961"..... Well anyway, we'll let you do the math. The reunion which lasted the entire weekend was apparently a lot of fun and it sound's like Squeaky and her little friends had a good time.

Rumor has it that several law enforcement agencies did somehow become involved in the event. Squeaky says that she isn't talking though. I guess we will just never know what happen when the class of 1961 got together in 2006 which would be 45 years after they graduated.

A Pox Upon Your House

So, last night Princess Yellow Hair came to King Jake and said, "I've got a few bug bites." Jake didn't think too much of this, because bug bites happen to the best of us. As he thought about it a little more though, it just didn't fit. Yellow Hair hadn't been outside all day. Unless the castle had been infested by yet another pest, there was no reason that Yellow Hair should have bug bites.

Jake then did what all knowledgeable fathers do in this sort of situation. He sent Yellow Hair to see her mother. Molly took about 30 seconds to make her diagnosis. "It's chickenpox", she stated.

Jake blinked.... "It can't be chickenpox. She had the chickenpox vaccine. Then she had a diagnosed case of the chicken pox two years ago. How can she possibly have chickenpox again?", he ranted.

Molly in her typical calm demeanor (unless facing down mice) shrugged and said, "I don't know, but it's chickenpox."

Today, Molly took Yellow Hair to the royal medical practitioner to have the diagnosis confirmed. "Yep, that's chicken pox."

Molly then asked the doctor, "How can she have contracted chickenpox for the second time even after she had the vaccine?"

The doctor then enlightened us with the following. Catching wild chickenpox as a child has been thought to commonly result in lifelong immunity. Second episodes of chickenpox have been rare, but actually occur more frequently in the vaccine group. In one study, 30% of children had lost the antibody after five years, and 8% had already caught "wild" chickenpox in that five year period. Some vaccinated children have been found to lose their protective antibody in as little as five to eight years; however, according to the World Health Organization: "After observation of study populations for periods of up to 20 years in Japan and 10 years in the United States, more than 90% of immunocompetent persons who were vaccinated as children were still protected from varicella." Persons infected after vaccine experience milder cases of chicken pox.

Jake really didn't understand most of that explanation, but he got the gist that some people do get chickenpox several times even after getting the vaccine. Yellow Hair was just one of those lucky few. So there you go. Yellow Hair is not a freak. Just a rule breaker and an over achiever. We think she just wanted to stay home from school for a couple of days.

Mouse Nabbed

Well, one mouse down and X mice to go. X is what we call a variable. It is one of those math terms that means that we don't have any idea about how many mice are actually lurking in the castle. One of our problems is that the mice are pretty good with math as well. They are especially good at multiplying exponentially.

Molly examined this particular fellow to see if she recognized him from the other evening. Unfortunately, she was not able to pick him out of a line up though. Oh well, we will just exile this guy from the castle and redouble our efforts to catch his cohorts.

Mouse War Index

Mouse War Revisited

Apparently, after having taken an extended holiday, the mice have returned. We haven't seen a single mouse for over 5 months and figured that we had seen the last of them. The calm was broken by a blood curdling scream from the kitchen. As soon as Jake heard that scream, he knew that it could be only one thing. Running down to the kitchen he hoped against hope that this scream was attributable to some small tragedy, such as cutting off a finger in a moment of kitchen carelessness. All hope was lost however when he arrived in the kitchen and found Molly perched on a chair with an ashen face. Jake stated, "I'm guessing you saw a mouse?" Molly, "Stop asking dumb questions. Of course I saw a mouse. Now, please do something."

There was only one thing Jake could do. He got out the mouse traps. As many of you will remember, the Pohicks decided to go the non lethal route with the traps and managed to catch 10 of them before they skipped town. Jake decided that rather than starting another protracted engagement, he would have to upgrade the arsenal a little bit. He purchased glue traps and snap traps and all kinds of traps. Jake doesn't really have any particular animosity against the mice, but they have a tendency to eat Jake's favorite snacks. This is something that Jake just can't abide by. Not to mention that having Molly screaming in the kitchen on a regular basis is also enough to put ones nerves on edge. Without further ado, Jake set all of the various rodent catching contraptions and retired for the evening.

The next morning, Jake came down to the kitchen and found all of the lethal traps sprung, but with no mice to show. He wondered what had happened? Are the mice really that sneaky? There was nothing he could do but try again. Surely even the most ingenious mouse would surely slip up sooner or later. There was nothing to do but try again. Jake set the traps and went to bed. Just as he was about to drift off in a peaceful slumber, he heard a commotion in the kitchen. Rushing down he found Scribbles (Child formerly known as StarrySpark) stuck to a glue trap. Looking around he also found all of the lethal traps sprung again. "Is there something you would like to tell me Scribbles?", he asked. Scribbles, looking defiant, stated, "The mice don't know any better. We just can't kill them." "Ahhhh....Yes we can and yes we will.", Jake responded.

Tonight Jake is going to set the traps again and this time, he is going to lock Scribbles in the tower. Tune in tomorrow to see how the mice fare without outside intervention.

Mouse War Index

Don't Look Up

Why is it that ordinarily intelligent people will do things like staring up in the air to see if any big rocks are going to fall on their heads?

Pohick Band

The parade really doesn't even get started until the band marches by. By marching in the case of the Pohick Band, we actually mean rolling by on an 18 wheeler. King Jake has taken a note to either put the band on a conditioning program or inject some fresh blood into the band prior to next year's parade.

Hoagie

Pohick National News (PNN). In some places they are called a sub sandwich. In other places they are called a grinder. In the Kingdom of Pohick however, they are called a Hoagie. The 2006 Pohick Harvest Festival Parade was led by official procession consisting of King Jake and the Pohick symbol of prosperity, the giant walking hoagie.

Everybody Loves A Parade

The extended Pohick family got together this weekend for the annual Pohick Harvest Parade. Everyone in the Kingdom showed up for this extravaganza. Don't they all look happy?

Get Lost (And Then Found)

It was a beautiful Post-Summer/ Pre-Fall Day with clear Skies and an ambient temperature of 82 degrees? With a day this nice, there was no way the Pohick family could stay in at home. After a little research, they discovered an orienteering event in a park not too far from the castle.

Keeping with tradition, the Pohicks split into two teams for the competition. The teams this time were Molly and Yellow Hair vs Jake and StarrySpark. Jake decided that he really wanted to win this event. He told SS that instead of following the trails, they were going to shave off some time by going cross country. This is also referred to as taking a short cut. I'll bet you can see where this is going already. Molly and YH decided to go with a more conservative "Stick to the Trails" strategy. And the teams were off....

Jake and SS had no sooner entered the woods when they headed in the wrong direction. Jake is blaming a localized magnetic anomaly or worm hole or something.

Anyway, after reorienting themselves, they were starting to find their points and had just sighted their 4th point off in the distance. As they got closer, they noticed Molly and YH punching their score card and heading off for point 5. Noooooo.... Jake screamed. Come on StarrySpark! We've got to get moving. I'm not going to let them beat us. This was just about the moment that SS ran straight into an exceptionally large spider web between two trees. Apparently SS doesn't like spider webs very much as was apparent from the ensuing hysterics. For the record, the spider was not very keen about StarrySpark either.

Finally they sorted themselves out and were off again. At the next to last point, Jake once again caught sight of the competition off in the distance. Depression was starting to set in. There was virtually no way that Jake and SS could catch the other members of the Pohick clan..... But wait... As Molly and YH left the next to last point, they headed off in the wrong direction. Could it be true? Jake couldn't believe their luck. He began cajoling SS to hurry along. Soon they punched the last point and were headed for home plate and......Victory!!!!! Jake and SS had won.
Jake was a good sportsman when the other team finally arrived at the finish. Well,....as good a sportsman as Jake is capable of being at least. He only made a few snide comments about superior direction finding genetics.

Unfortunately, as Jake was basking in the glow of victory, some administrative glitch occurred. When the official scores were posted, Molly and Yellow Hair were listed as the winners. Jake grumbled and growled, but finally Molly instructed Jake that he needed to calm down or their would be no more orienteering. Jake of course recognized the tone of voice and decided that there was no more to be gained by throwing a tantrum. "Just wait until next time", he thought to himself.

Road Rage

Road Rage is defined as one or more of the following behaviors.

• speeding and aggressive acceleration
• tailgating
• cutting others off
• weaving in and out of traffic
• forming a "convoy" to block access to a traffic lane
• sounding the vehicle's horn or flashing lights excessively
• rude gestures
  
• shouting verbal abuse, including threats
• deliberately hitting another person, vehicle or object with one's own vehicle
• hitting a person or vehicle with a weapon other than a vehicle e.g. a tire iron, golf club, or baseball bat
• threatening to use or using a firearm or other deadly weapon
• pursuing for retaliation or revenge of a perceived slight
• triggering or exaggerating traffic waves

Editor's Note: We would never accuse Molly of exhibiting Road Rage Behavior (Because we are afraid to). Let's just say that she drives enthusiastically. We do routinely take her to the bumper car ride and let her burn off some of that enthusiasm.

She Blinded Me With Science

So StarrySpark has been back to school for a little over a week now. One of her classes is Science. Each of the students was asked to illustrate the importance of a particular safety topic whilst conducting scientific experiments. Her safety topic was, "The importance of wearing safety goggles."

Jake suggested, "Hey.....Let's just mix up a bunch of stuff to illustrate why it is important to where goggles. I'll bet we can put together a demonstration that no one in Pohick will ever forget."

StarrySpark cringed, having seen some of Jake's previous enthusiastic experiments. She stated that the point could be conveyed to her fellow students just by using a simple limerick:

There once was a motley scientist
and safety rules day she did miss
She leaned over her bottles
without any goggles
and lost her eyeballs in the mist.

Jake said, "Well, sure.... If that's how you want to do it. I guess a limerick is fine, but it's not nearly as much fun as blowing something up. Laboratories are hazardous places. It's easy to forget that when you work in one, day after day, and it's easy to get complacent about eye wear. But eye injuries are painful and sometimes permanent, and all it takes is a momentary lapse."

Get your goat

While at the safari park

Jake to StarrySpark: "Don't let me get your goat."

StarrySpark: (Silence...Blink...Blink...Wheels in head turning....) This is another of your crazy sayings isn't it. Like that, "Let me put a bug in your ear" thing?

Jake: Yes... It is another idiom. The phrase originated in the US and is first seen in print in 1909, in a fanciful story about a burst water pipe.

That's in the US newspaper, the Stevens Point Daily Journal, Wisconsin, May 1909:

"Wouldn't that get your goat? We'd been transferring the same water all night from the tub to the bowl and back again."

StarrySpark: Why do you know that?

Jake: I preparing for next year's "National Junior Honor Society" function.

Gourmet Food

One night per week, Jake is required to prepare dinner for the Pohick family. Molly told Jake that if he made TV dinners or ordered pizza one more time, that there was going to be trouble. Jake may not be the smartest cookie in the tool shed, but he still remembers the last time he got in trouble and wanted no part of it. So he went out and hired a professional gourmet chef to prepare a delicious (and nutritious) meal for the family. Hmmmmm.... You don't believe that? Ok, how about this. This gentleman is an IRS Revenue Agent who came to audit the Pohick Kingdom income tax returns. The audit was taking so long thanks to Jake's unique accounting methodology, that the IRS agent needed to cook a meal to gather his strength before he could continue. Yeah..... That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Segway

So, what do you get for the man who has everything? You get him a Segway of course. It's not as if Jake actually needs exercise. Since his workout plan is to avoid all possible calorie expenditure then zipping around on a Segway is just the way to go. With regard to being a fun ride, Jake gives the Segway two thumbs up. Or perhaps I should say that he would give it two thumbs up if he weren't actively engaged in trying to stay on the Segway.

The Segway is a two-wheeled, self-balancing transportation device invented by Dean Kamen and unveiled in December 2001. It is available in various models and form factors produced by the company Segway Inc. of New Hampshire. The name "Segway PT" stands for "Segway Personal Transporter", while the older acronym, HT, stood for "Human Transporter".

Computers and motors in the base keep the Segway upright at all times. Users lean forward to move forward, and back to move backwards. In new models turning is also done by leaning left and right while in older/discontinued models via twisting a hand grip on the left handlebar. Segway PTs are driven by electric motors at up to 12.5 mph (10 mph in the small discontinued p-Series). Gyroscopes are used to detect departures from perfect balance. In laws that regulate it, the applicable category is sometimes called "electric personal assistive mobility device" (EPAMD).

(Photo taken at the Science Museum of Virginia in Richmond, VA)


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Leash Laws

Why is Molly being attacked by a giant lizard while riding her bicycle? No one is exactly sure. Molly has insisted however that that Jake instruct the Pohick animal catcher to begin immediate enforcement of the leash laws.

Let me show you to your room

One way to ensure that your house guests do not overstay their welcome is to have them stay in the guest room in the dungeon. Here we see Queen Molly taking the Dairy Farmer's Association on a tour of the dungeon area. On the bright side, no air conditioning is required as the dungeon.....I mean guest room remains at a pleasant 54 degrees.

(Photo taken at Natural Bridge Caverns in Natural Bridge, VA)

Priceless

Coloring Book - $4.99.
Crayola Markers - $6.84.
Being able to color yourself from head to toe in the 30 seconds that your mother and father turned their backs.......Priceless!

(Picture of the President of the Pohick Dairy Farmer's Association and his youngest daughter.)

Hurricane Ernesto

It is beyond a doubt a very blustery day here in Pohick. According to the National Hurricane Center, we are expecting to get whacked by Hurricane Ernesto today. We have already received a good bit of rain. Jake of course always makes fun of people who panic during extreme weather conditions. It is all fun and games until one of the children goes flying away in a large gust of wind. Just to be on the safe side, the Pohicks are just going to stay indoors today. Don't worry, we will find some way to entertain ourselves such as dancing to our Britney Spears music or watching a little wrestling on WWE.

Feeding Time

What a great idea. Let's go to the zoo. Everything was fine and dandy until it came time to feed the animals. Jake's tummy got a little grumbly. He just couldn't help himself. Instead of feeding the animals, Jake got into a tug of war with a giraffe over a graham cracker. Just when it looked like Jake was going to get a little snack, the giraffe got the upper hand....neck...something and made off with the cracker. Better Luck next time Jake. You would think that Molly would know better than to take Jake to the zoo at feeding time.

(This picture is from the Virginia Safari Park in Natural Bridge, VA)

Not in Kansas Any More

When folks visit pohick from out of town, we like to show them a good time by taking them on a tour of our local cultural attractions. When Queen Molly's mother and father, the Duke and Dutchess of Boyardee visited recently, we decided that there was one place we just had to take them. That's right, you guessed it! We took them to a command performance at the giant lizard rodeo. Suffice it to say that a great time was had by one and all. King Jake was going to demonstrate his horsemanship.... err... lizardmanship by riding on the big lizard, but he decided that caution was the better part of valor. Beside, have you ever tried to saddle up a velociraptor?

(This photo is from the front of the gift shop at the Natural Bridge in Natural Bridge, VA.)

Pohick Bugs

Pohick has apparently been infested with a swarm of bugs. Well, it's either big bugs or really tiny lobsters. King Jake of course is always thinking with his stomach, and is leaning towards the tiny lobsters. It's going to take a mess of them bugs.... I mean lobsters to make a meal for Jake though. Oh well, Jake already has the butter melting in the pan.

Royal Crisis

The project started innocently enough. King Jake decided to demonstrate his innate handyman capabilities by installing a new water filter for the ice maker. Step 1) shut off the water flow to the filter. No problem said Jake. He reached up shut off the valve which promptly snapped off in his hand and began spraying water all over the place. "Rut Ro", said Jake. Jake quickly found and shut off the main water supply for the castle. Unfortunately, this was right at the moment that Queen Molly was soaping up in the royal shower. Molly with shampoo in her eyes informed Jake what she really thought of his handyman capabilities. Jake then stated that he would just fix the problem himself. No sense in calling in the royal plumber on a Sunday after all. Besides, Jake had occasionally supervised the plumber as he went about his task and plumbing really didn't look all that difficult. Surely someone with a razor sharp intellect like King Jake would have no difficulty with a minor task such as this. Eight hours and 225 curse words later, Jake had finally repaired the water supply to the castle and Molly was able to complete her shower. Granted the ice maker is still not working, but Jake reckons he can complete the repair next weekend.

Stonehenge (Foamhenge)

King Jake and his band of intrepid travelers visit the site of Foamhenge. Created by Mark Cline of the Enchanted Castle Studios, this is replica of Stonehenge which has inspired awe and mystery from visitors for over 5000 years. This megalithic ruin has withstood the tests of time and captivated our imagination.

Foamhenge is located near the Natural Bridge in Natural Bridge, Va. Admission is free (though donations are accepted). A great and inexpensive photo op and a chance to stretch your legs for a few minutes while the kids climb around one the giant chunks of styrofoam.

It is located on the west side of Rt. 11 near the Natural Bridge Zoo, 1 mile north of Natural Bridge.

Princess Yellow Hair Joins Royal Navy

Pohick National News (PNN) - In keeping with royal tradition, Princess Yellow Hair, being the second born and not in line for the royal throne was sent off to the Pohick Royal Naval Academy. The drill instructors put all of the midshipmen through their paces and Princess Yellow hair received no special treatment. Approximately 100 new midshipmen reported for duty along with Princess Yellow Hair. PNN was unable to interview the princess or any of her classmates as the Royal Naval Academy does not permit the media with access to the new midshipmen. King Jake stated that he was very proud of his daughter, though the incessant chanting of "Go Navy beat Army!" was almost more than he could bear.

Visitors to Pohick

I enjoy writing entries for Pohick. Even though no one else in the royal family really understands or appreciates my passion for blogging, I think I can sum it like this. Most of my time is spent attending to the responsibilities of the kingdom. These responsibilities include allocating gold from the treasury, attending social engagements, and proclaiming and decreeing this and that. As important and necessary as all of these kingly functions are, they don't require much creativity. Pohick on the other hand is my creative outlet.

In addition to just writing entries, Pohick also engages my curiosity. The Kingdom of Pohick is a little off of the beaten path known as the information super highway and yet thousands of people from around the world have somehow found their way here. As I read through the visit logs for this blog, I ask my self the following three questions: Where are all of these people coming from, how did they get here and why don't they have anything else to do with their lives? I'm certain that I can't answer the last question, but here is my best shot at the other two.

How did they get here?
I am always amused when I look through my visit logs to see how folks find their way to the Kingdom of Pohick. Of course we have our regular visitors who just come of their own volition. To them we say, "Welcome back friend!" We also have some folks who show up via blog exchanges. To them we say, "You are the best friend money can buy." And then we have my personal favorites. These are the folks who find their way to Pohick while looking for something entirely different. These folks usually type a few words into google or some other search engine and the next thing they know, they are wandering the hallowed halls of Pohick. To these folks we can't help but say, "Why were you looking for that?" I am fascinated by some of the search strings that point people to pohick. I'm going to start listing them here:

Let me put a bug in your ear. - I've now had over 200 people show up at Pohick while looking for "Let me put a bug in your ear." Why are so many folks looking to put bugs in people's ears?

Where did they come from?
Everywhere. The planet earth is a mighty big place, but obviously it is not so big that folks can't find their way to the Kingdom of Pohick. I think that every country has sent at least one designated representative as an ambassador to Pohick. Despite any assertions to the contrary, King Jake is not an uneducated man what with all that Kingly training and all. In fact he has even traveled the world a fair piece whilst visiting with the other Kingdoms of the world. But as he scanned through the visit log, he came across a visitor from a country he just could not remember. Seychelles. King Jake raked his brain? No offense intended to the people of Seychelles but Jake had no idea where this country was. Jake then called in the royal geography instructor who explained to Jake that Seychelles is a an archipelago in the Indian Ocean of 41 islands, of which 33 are inhabited. The total population of Seychelles is only 81,000 people. Wow! Only 81,000 people and yet they were thoughtful enough to send a representative to Pohick. From the Kingdom of Pohick, we say, "Thank You!"

In any event, we appreciate all of our visitors to Pohick regardless of where you came from or how you got here. You are of course welcome back any time you are in the neighborhood!

Squirrels

There has been no sign of the mice for a couple of weeks now. King Jake has claimed victory after a campaign in which he successfully captured and deported 10 of the rascally rodents. It is more than likely though that the mice are just taking a spring holiday somewhere. Since the mice are nowhere to be seen, one could assume that everything is peaceful in the Kingdom of Pohick. One could assume that, but one would be mistaken. There is to be no peace for King Jake.

Apparently the mice had a little chat with their friends the squirrels prior to departing for wherever mice go on holiday. Almost as soon as the mice activity subsided, the squirrels took over the role as Jake's tormentors. It is quite apparent that the squirrels have a little more game than the mice had. Their escapades started off innocently enough with a little digging in the flower beds. Jake didn't appreciate the squirrels digging up all of Princess StarrySpark's hard work, but there was no real harm done. This period of mild annoyance wouldn't last though.

Next the squirrels upped their game a little bit. They chewed holes in the lids of all of the garbage cans so that they could go in and eat the trash. This is amazing given that King Jake does not let much edible food end up in the trash. The squirrels were not content to just eat their ill gotten meals in peace though, but they began to scatter the trash all over the yard. Hmmmm... One day, as Jake was walking across the yard, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich fell out of the sky and landed at his feet. Jake has always dreamed of food falling from the sky, but alas, this was not a case divine food delivery. Jake looked up into the trees just in time to see a squirrel running away.

This is about the time that Jake's blood began to boil. After three or four days of picking up trash around the yard and he was fit to be tied. Jake being Jake then began to lash out at the squirrels. He waited until the squirrels dropped through the holes in the tops of the garbage cans and then ran over and began banging on the sides of the cans with a broom. When the squirrels attempted to escape, Jake would whack the squirrels back down into the cans just like the "Whack a Mole" game. What did this solve you ask? Nothing of course, but it made Jake laugh like a raving lunatic. It was apparent to all onlookers that the squirrels did not appreciate this particular form of amusement very much.

The squirrels next hatched a diabolical plan to get even with Jake. They chewed a hole through the screen in the kitchen, came in and helped themselves to a brand new loaf of bread. Jake was upstairs when he heard a scream from Queen Molly. Thinking that another mouse incident was in progress, he ran down to the kitchen ready to do battle. By the time he got there, Molly was wildly swinging a broom around the kitchen like a Louisville Slugger in an attempt to bash the offending squirrel. The squirrel was in no real danger as he deftly evaded all of Molly's swings. He eventually made his way back to the hole in the screen leaving a swath of destruction in the once pristine kitchen.

Jake replaced the screen. Then he replaced the plastic trash cans with metal ones. Patting himself on the back, he stated that once again, good old fashioned human ingenuity had overcome the mischievousness of the animal kingdom. He was quite mistaken.

Jake and Molly had a number of friends and family over for a formal sit down dinner. At some point during the meal, one of the guests pointed at a window in the dining room and stated, "Look at that squirrel hanging on the window screen. Isn't that cute?" It was at this moment that the squirrel while hanging from the screen emptied his bladder through the screen into the dining room. The stream from the squirrel was quite impressive. One wouldn't think a squirrel could hold quite that much. The guests were of course just a bit shocked. One doesn't expect that sort of entertainment at a formal dinner party. Queen Molly on the other hand was not just shocked, but was also enraged at this squirrel who would dare defile her dinner party. She launched herself from the other side of the room and punched the squirrel through the screen with all of her might. I'm sure the squirrel was not expecting this reaction. He laid in the yard for a long moment after landing. Jake stated for everyone to hear that the squirrel was probably dead. This was not the case though. After a moment or two, the squirrel shook his head a few times to clear the cobwebs and then ran off as if nothing had happened.

One can only imagine the grand reception this squirrel received upon his return to squirrel ville. We imagine that all of the other squirrels patted him on the back and high-fived him for his exceptional intestinal fortitude and ability to take a punch. Jake and Molly are now worried about what the squirrels will try next. That last act is mighty tough to follow. Though Jake and Molly did not appreciate the mice, they are thinking of inviting them back if they will call off their squirrel cousins.

Cinderella

Princess StarrySpark is not happy at the moment, but King Jake is. StarrySpark has a class science project due this semester. The project is focused on "Environmental Responsibility." The requirements for this project include all manner of recycling, composting, yard cleanup, flower planting and even picking up doggie waste. The best part of this assignment is that a parental signature is required to confirm the completion of each task. As much as StarrySpark despises yard work, she just won't allow her standing in the National Junior Honor Society to suffer. Of course Jake doesn't like yard work very much either, so he has been taking full advantage of this opportunity to extract every last ounce of work that he can out of StarrySpark. King Jake commends the Pohick Royal Academy for this fine educational opportunity.

Royal Weight Loss - Calories

After King Jake's recent trip to the royal health care provider, Queen Molly has been providing Jake with a little focused encouragement for his weight loss effort.

Molly: You are going to have to stop eating so many calories!

Jake: I don't think that will be a problem. I haven't eaten a single calorie all day. I only eat food.

Molly: Here, eat some carrots. They are good for you.

Jake: Are you kidding me. Carrots aren't food. Carrots are what food eat.

Molly: I not asking you to be a Vegan. I am just asking you to eat a couple of carrots.

Jake: Vegan? Aren't those the guys with the green blood and the pointy ears?

After one week, King Jake is only slightly less of a man. He started at 189 lbs and is now down to 187.6 lbs. Not a big weight loss so far, but at least he is heading in the right direction.