Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Mouse War - King Gone Mad

Why is one of the royal living room recliners on the front porch? Why is King Jake holding a big stick in one hand and a flaming mitt in the other? This is the spectacle to which Queen Molly returned this afternoon. Would you like to hazard a guess as to what circuitous chain of events created this particular diorama? Truth is of course stranger than fiction and apparently King Jake went slightly insane today.
The mice are back you see. Jake dutifully dusted off the Victor Live Catch Mouse Traps, Baited them with a fine selection of peanut butter and crackers and set them out for some of the unsuspecting mouse marauders. Low and behold a mouse was caught (Number 7 by last count). Well, since Jake was off defending the Kingdom, Queen Molly decided to remove the mouse from the trap and place him in the mouse holding facility. Hurrah for the brave Queen Molly! Queen Molly then departed for an afternoon of instructing the young ladies of the kingdom in the fine art of basket weaving or some such.
Jake upon returning to the castle noticed the mouse and for some unknown reason decided it would be fun to poke and prod the mouse just a little. The mouse was not especially amused with this activity and took the opportunity to run up Jake's arm and scampered onto the kitchen counter. Thus began a tale of woe and misery.
Jake looked at the mouse and the mouse looked at Jake in the beady way that only a mouse can look at someone. Jake then began to mutter "Rut Row" and became fixated on the fact that he was probably going to be in a small bind with Queen Molly who left specific instructions not to touch the mouse other than march him far from the house and release him. Jake then began to beg the mouse to get back into the jar before Queen Molly returned. Unfortunately, the mouse did not consider this course of action to be in his best interest, so he politely but firmly declined. Jake then decided that brute force was his next best option and began chasing the mouse madly throughout the house leaving a swath of destruction in his wake. On several occasions, Jake thought he had the mouse cornered, but he learned that the mouse probably had at least a little Kangaroo blood in him as he had an impressive vertical leap.
Getting nowhere, Jake decided that he was outclassed and the clock was ticking ever closer marking the time of Queen Molly's return. Jake summoned Princess StarrySpark who inquired, "Why did you let the mouse loose? Didn't mother say to leave it alone?" Oh the anguish of it all. "Yes she did. Please help me catch it and quickly." With StarrySpark's assistance, Jake managed to corner the mouse under a recliner in the living room. Wait, where did he go? Mr. Mouse had climbed up into the hollow arm of the chair and was spread eagle across the top, looking like some ninja character from a kungfoo movie. But how to get him back in the jar. That's when the inspiration hit Jake. "We don't have to get him in the Jar. We just have to get him out of the house before Molly returns." They quickly grabbed the chair and ran to the front porch. At last, victory..... Just at this moment the fire alarm went off. Apparently, during the ruckus, Jake had knocked an oven mitt onto the stove which chose this moment to burst into flames. Jake grabbed the mitt dashed to the porch and was preparing to extinguish the burning mitt when of course what to his wondering eyes should appear? Queen Molly selected this moment to pull up in the driveway. She just starred at the smoke poring out of the house, living room furniture on the porch, Jake holding a flaming oven mitt and holding a stick. Then Jake, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible said, "Hello dear, how was your day?" Molly speaking loudly so that she could be heard over the smoke alarm said, "Jake is there something you would like to tell me?" Jake thought quickly, but decided that despite his ingenuity, he really didn't have a plausible explanation.
At this moment, the mouse decided that he would rather take his chances at some other location. He dropped out of the chair, scurried across the yard and never looked back. King Jake watched him go and wished he could do the same. Don't worry about Jake. He's been in worse trouble before. Maybe next time Jake will listen to Queen Molly. You never know.


Anonymous said...

Jake what were you thinking? Don’t you know that those critters carry diseases and they have razor sharp teeth? You could have been mortally wounded and where would that leave the Pohick Monarchy? The instructions on the detention facility seemed pretty explicit. You could have sparked a whole new political and strategic loss with another violation of the Laws of Armed Conflict taking personal participation in detainee abuse. I bet the little mouse was laughing his tail off as he ran away. He was probably saying to himself boy is he going to get it. Don’t underestimate the intelligence of you foe. He set you up and played you like a grand piano. He is trying to create a divide in the Royal Family and it looks like it’s working. Is there a name for the Royal Doghouse? Or is it the same as us common folks? While you lick your wounds, clear the smoke out and disconnect the battery out of the detector you may want to think about hardening the perimeter and emplace additional obstacles to keep the Mice out of the castle. I don’t think a mote is practical at this time. There has got to be a point of ingress into the fortress you will have to get your engineers out and about to conduct a force protection assessment and continue to improve your position. As far as the doghouse, not much help there, I find myself there quite often, you get used to it.

Xie Xie said...

Ah, my kingdom for a mouse! *grin*

My parents once got a chipmunk caught in the trunk of the car.... it wasn't pretty.