Thursday, April 27, 2006

Welcome to the Jungle

Cutting the grass is not one of Jake's favorite tasks. Actually, it is pretty close to the bottom of the list and just above cleaning dead animal carcasses out of the hot tub. That is a story for another day though. Usually Jake at least makes an effort to keep the yard in some semblance of order. Unfortunately, circumstances during the last couple of weeks prevented Jake from taking care of his lawn maintenance responsibilities. After a little focused encouragement from Molly, Jake finally decided it was time to get the job done. First, Jake had to get the lawn mower out of the garage. As he was doing so, the next door neighbor spotted him, strolled on over and nonchalantly asked, "Are you going to cut your grass?" He didn't ask the question with any sort of malice in his voice, but the implication was there. "If you hadn't cut it soon, I would have called the neighborhood association." What? Not again Jake thought as he recalled a previous incident. Who knew you weren't allowed to have pink flamingos in the front yard? Now to fully understand the situation, you have to understand that this neighbor is what could politely be called a lawn care enthusiast. Where Jake's yard has that care free lived-in look, the neighbor's yard looks like a uniform dark green shag carpet with alternating diagonal marks from the daily croppings. This neighbor is also an amazing repository of lawn care trivia. As an example, did you know that there is a different recommended fertilizer combination for each month of the year? Did you know that you should sharpen your lawn mower blade after each cutting to avoid doing damage to the grass blades? And did you know that you can send off a soil sample from your yard to get it scientifically analyzed to tell you exactly the right amount and type of nutrients to add to maximize grass growth? Who knew? Well, not Jake at least. As far as he is concerned, fertilizing the yard is just a written invitation for the weeds to grow faster. Oh well, everyone needs a hobby. As Jake began the tedious task cutting down the vegetation, he couldn't help but think that there had to be an easier way to manage the grass. Hmmm, maybe livestock. A goat or a cow or something ought to do the trick. I wonder what the neighborhood association would have to say about that?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey Jake, you can look at this a couple different ways. If you let it grow you are supporting many ecosystems to include Mice Villages. I don’t think this is a viable course of action based on Queen Molly’s distain for them and your recent battle record. The neighbors would more than likely turn you in to the Neighborhood Alliance for non compliant tenants trying to lower their property investment. I think your livestock idea has some merit to it, especially in light of the advice of the neighbor that intensively grooms the grounds. For instance, the live stock eats the grass which keeps it at a respectable level to keep you out of hot water from the Neighborhood Alliance and provides nutrients for the animals’ sustainment. Grazing alleviates the need to pay to feed your animal, too bad you can’t let the kids graze; it would be a lot cheaper to keep em. This constant grazing also helps them to stay regular you probably know where this is going. This regularity helps to fertilize the lawn which your neighbor would be envious of your daily fertilization of the lawn turning your soil highly organic and the kicker is that it would be free and you would not have to get out there on your weekends hacking and cutting the yard. Not only is it labor free you will not be polluting the environment with hydrocarbons and at the price of gas these days you would have a little more to buy another animal. Hope this helps you decide what you want to do about the yard. I personally got an MP3 player and I don’t have to cut the grass anymore. You probably wonder how that can be. The wife puts the MP3 player on and off she goes! Best investment I ever made, not the MP3 player the wife she is the greatest, see how that works staying out of the doghouse.