Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Royal Weight Loss - Calories


After King Jake's recent trip to the royal health care provider, Queen Molly has been providing Jake with a little focused encouragement for his weight loss effort.

Molly: You are going to have to stop eating so many calories!

Jake: I don't think that will be a problem. I haven't eaten a single calorie all day. I only eat food.

Molly: Here, eat some carrots. They are good for you.

Jake: Are you kidding me. Carrots aren't food. Carrots are what food eat.

Molly: I not asking you to be a Vegan. I am just asking you to eat a couple of carrots.

Jake: Vegan? Aren't those the guys with the green blood and the pointy ears?

After one week, King Jake is only slightly less of a man. He started at 189 lbs and is now down to 187.6 lbs. Not a big weight loss so far, but at least he is heading in the right direction.

4 comments:

Wally Banners said...

lol the pic looks so sad man rofl good one.

Kelstar said...

I'm not a salad fan either. As my Grandad used to say, if god wanted me to eat grass he would have given me pointy ears.

Anonymous said...

Carrots? What’s up doc? They are supposed to be good for your eyes. No pun intended with the picture and all. I have a different logic on weight loss. Protein is good, repairs muscle and tissue. When the body uses all the protein it needs it is removed from the system. Protein is food that eats carrots as Jake referred to in his conversation. Muscles do work, I’m not a muscle I’m a supervisor so I have folks with muscles. Muscles burn calories that comes in forms of carbohydrates which if not burned off as energy is stored as fat to be burned at a later time. I’m not a scientist but I figure that I take enough carbohydrates to keep from feeling sluggish and eat steaks and such. One of the side effects of having a high protein diet is that you nails and hair grows really fast. You can cut that stuff off and enjoy all the steak sauce you like. You may even want to use those carrots to dress up that nice big juicy pot roast, watch out for the rice, potatoes, and breads, those are the real culprits. Nondiet soda is bad too. Empty calories and carbs that get forced into the bloodstream because of the carbonation, that’s the stuff that deposits it along restricted areas like the beltline. Coffee and tea are also considered a diuretic but it causes you to dehydrate but that’s not too bad you should also drink water! This helps to wash the system. Soda bad, water good, it won’t hurt to exercise every once in a while. Some do push ups, some should do push aways… push that desert away at the end of the meal. Quit eating cheezits off you chest while you watch TV and quit crunching those big hard pretzels while your doing your nighttime reading. The worst thing to do is to eat before you go to sleep. Unless you are a convulsive sleeper? Go ahead and eat those carrot eaters, watch the carbs. Bon ep a tiet !

Chandira said...

Sorry dude, eating carrots is a great (and kind) way to lose weight.

Meat is full of growth hormones, anway, and if you eat too much, you end up with man-titties. Honestly.. It's the hormones in the meat.

If you really do want to eat meat, at least try organic. But veggies are very good for you. maybe you could do a deal with your daughter, for every piece of dog doo or weed she pulls out, you could skip a meat-portion, and substiture carrots and broccoli.. ;-) Just a thought.