Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Squirrels

There has been no sign of the mice for a couple of weeks now. King Jake has claimed victory after a campaign in which he successfully captured and deported 10 of the rascally rodents. It is more than likely though that the mice are just taking a spring holiday somewhere. Since the mice are nowhere to be seen, one could assume that everything is peaceful in the Kingdom of Pohick. One could assume that, but one would be mistaken. There is to be no peace for King Jake.

Apparently the mice had a little chat with their friends the squirrels prior to departing for wherever mice go on holiday. Almost as soon as the mice activity subsided, the squirrels took over the role as Jake's tormentors. It is quite apparent that the squirrels have a little more game than the mice had. Their escapades started off innocently enough with a little digging in the flower beds. Jake didn't appreciate the squirrels digging up all of Princess StarrySpark's hard work, but there was no real harm done. This period of mild annoyance wouldn't last though.

Next the squirrels upped their game a little bit. They chewed holes in the lids of all of the garbage cans so that they could go in and eat the trash. This is amazing given that King Jake does not let much edible food end up in the trash. The squirrels were not content to just eat their ill gotten meals in peace though, but they began to scatter the trash all over the yard. Hmmmm... One day, as Jake was walking across the yard, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich fell out of the sky and landed at his feet. Jake has always dreamed of food falling from the sky, but alas, this was not a case divine food delivery. Jake looked up into the trees just in time to see a squirrel running away.

This is about the time that Jake's blood began to boil. After three or four days of picking up trash around the yard and he was fit to be tied. Jake being Jake then began to lash out at the squirrels. He waited until the squirrels dropped through the holes in the tops of the garbage cans and then ran over and began banging on the sides of the cans with a broom. When the squirrels attempted to escape, Jake would whack the squirrels back down into the cans just like the "Whack a Mole" game. What did this solve you ask? Nothing of course, but it made Jake laugh like a raving lunatic. It was apparent to all onlookers that the squirrels did not appreciate this particular form of amusement very much.

The squirrels next hatched a diabolical plan to get even with Jake. They chewed a hole through the screen in the kitchen, came in and helped themselves to a brand new loaf of bread. Jake was upstairs when he heard a scream from Queen Molly. Thinking that another mouse incident was in progress, he ran down to the kitchen ready to do battle. By the time he got there, Molly was wildly swinging a broom around the kitchen like a Louisville Slugger in an attempt to bash the offending squirrel. The squirrel was in no real danger as he deftly evaded all of Molly's swings. He eventually made his way back to the hole in the screen leaving a swath of destruction in the once pristine kitchen.

Jake replaced the screen. Then he replaced the plastic trash cans with metal ones. Patting himself on the back, he stated that once again, good old fashioned human ingenuity had overcome the mischievousness of the animal kingdom. He was quite mistaken.

Jake and Molly had a number of friends and family over for a formal sit down dinner. At some point during the meal, one of the guests pointed at a window in the dining room and stated, "Look at that squirrel hanging on the window screen. Isn't that cute?" It was at this moment that the squirrel while hanging from the screen emptied his bladder through the screen into the dining room. The stream from the squirrel was quite impressive. One wouldn't think a squirrel could hold quite that much. The guests were of course just a bit shocked. One doesn't expect that sort of entertainment at a formal dinner party. Queen Molly on the other hand was not just shocked, but was also enraged at this squirrel who would dare defile her dinner party. She launched herself from the other side of the room and punched the squirrel through the screen with all of her might. I'm sure the squirrel was not expecting this reaction. He laid in the yard for a long moment after landing. Jake stated for everyone to hear that the squirrel was probably dead. This was not the case though. After a moment or two, the squirrel shook his head a few times to clear the cobwebs and then ran off as if nothing had happened.

One can only imagine the grand reception this squirrel received upon his return to squirrel ville. We imagine that all of the other squirrels patted him on the back and high-fived him for his exceptional intestinal fortitude and ability to take a punch. Jake and Molly are now worried about what the squirrels will try next. That last act is mighty tough to follow. Though Jake and Molly did not appreciate the mice, they are thinking of inviting them back if they will call off their squirrel cousins.

3 comments:

sweatpantsmom said...

I won't be able to sleep tonight, wondering where mice go on holiday...

Queen Bee said...

Great squirrell story, King Jake and Queen Molly. Keep up the good work.
Love Queen Bee

Anonymous said...

I’ve been on vacation too. Boy what a much needed holiday that was. I did see some mice, not Mickey or Minnie but the little brown fury ones that you seem to want to come back home. I can’t believe their mercenaries desecrated the Royal supper as you described. That cannot be in compliance with the Geneva Convention. I could only imagine the squirrelly high fives that he would receive once he came to his senses from his on looking followers. Ninja Squirrels to boot. I do think that was payback for the wack a squirrel game you so intently amused yourself at his expense. You could always use Psychological Warfare on him. Go down to the settler village and get yourself a Davie Crocket to wear around the grounds as if to warn those of their fait should they continue to escalate operations on the Royal Family. I’m sad to say that I’m back at the old grind again but the sooner were done with this job the better. It looks like the King took a holiday from the blog posting. Hope everything is going alright. I did not see anything on PNN about rouge squirrels running around with King Jake hats yet, but you know how the Media screens these types of things. Hope all is well. Maybe queen Molly can post any kind of ransom notes on the blog in hopes of information to help rescue efforts.