Mouse Nabbed

Well, one mouse down and X mice to go. X is what we call a variable. It is one of those math terms that means that we don't have any idea about how many mice are actually lurking in the castle. One of our problems is that the mice are pretty good with math as well. They are especially good at multiplying exponentially.

Molly examined this particular fellow to see if she recognized him from the other evening. Unfortunately, she was not able to pick him out of a line up though. Oh well, we will just exile this guy from the castle and redouble our efforts to catch his cohorts.

Mouse War Index

Mouse War Revisited

Apparently, after having taken an extended holiday, the mice have returned. We haven't seen a single mouse for over 5 months and figured that we had seen the last of them. The calm was broken by a blood curdling scream from the kitchen. As soon as Jake heard that scream, he knew that it could be only one thing. Running down to the kitchen he hoped against hope that this scream was attributable to some small tragedy, such as cutting off a finger in a moment of kitchen carelessness. All hope was lost however when he arrived in the kitchen and found Molly perched on a chair with an ashen face. Jake stated, "I'm guessing you saw a mouse?" Molly, "Stop asking dumb questions. Of course I saw a mouse. Now, please do something."

There was only one thing Jake could do. He got out the mouse traps. As many of you will remember, the Pohicks decided to go the non lethal route with the traps and managed to catch 10 of them before they skipped town. Jake decided that rather than starting another protracted engagement, he would have to upgrade the arsenal a little bit. He purchased glue traps and snap traps and all kinds of traps. Jake doesn't really have any particular animosity against the mice, but they have a tendency to eat Jake's favorite snacks. This is something that Jake just can't abide by. Not to mention that having Molly screaming in the kitchen on a regular basis is also enough to put ones nerves on edge. Without further ado, Jake set all of the various rodent catching contraptions and retired for the evening.

The next morning, Jake came down to the kitchen and found all of the lethal traps sprung, but with no mice to show. He wondered what had happened? Are the mice really that sneaky? There was nothing he could do but try again. Surely even the most ingenious mouse would surely slip up sooner or later. There was nothing to do but try again. Jake set the traps and went to bed. Just as he was about to drift off in a peaceful slumber, he heard a commotion in the kitchen. Rushing down he found Scribbles (Child formerly known as StarrySpark) stuck to a glue trap. Looking around he also found all of the lethal traps sprung again. "Is there something you would like to tell me Scribbles?", he asked. Scribbles, looking defiant, stated, "The mice don't know any better. We just can't kill them." "Ahhhh....Yes we can and yes we will.", Jake responded.

Tonight Jake is going to set the traps again and this time, he is going to lock Scribbles in the tower. Tune in tomorrow to see how the mice fare without outside intervention.

Mouse War Index

Mouse War - Choosy Mice Choose Jif

For the last couple of nights, one of the mice has been torturing King Jake. This mouse devised a diabolical method to extract the cracker and peanut butter bait from the mouse trap without becoming trapped. And just to rub Jake's nose in his prowess, the mouse didn't even eat the cracker. Instead, he merely licked the Jif Peanut butter from the cracker and left the cracker uneaten next the trap like a little calling card. Jake was becoming more and more frustrated. Finally, he said to himself, "I must think like the mouse. I must get inside his head." Ah ha! Jake had the solution. Instead of putting the peanut butter on the cracker, he put it directly into the back of the trap. The result was mouse number nine trapped like a rat. King Jake did a little happy dance in front of the royal family. Queen Molly said to Jake, "I can't believe you are actually excited because you managed to out smart a mouse!" Any way, if you would like to see Jake taunting the mouse, check out this exclusive pohick video (mousemovie.wmv 2MB).

Mouse War Index

Mouse War - One Mile

Yet another mouse stumbled into the victor live catch mouse trap last night. We've stopped naming them, and just call this one number 8. Apparently, the mice are reproducing faster than we can dispose of them. This one is the fattest mouse we've nabbed so far. I don't want to call him huge or anything, but we're not really sure how he managed to wedge himself into the mouse trap. We almost had to use the jaws of life to extract him. At any rate, it doesn't look like he has been skipping any meals. Queen Molly is convinced that there is actually only one mouse who after being released, repeatedly returns to our home for another meal. She stated that Jake had to tag the mouse in some manner so that we can prove it isn't the same mouse. Though Jake has watched all manner of wildlife TV shows where animals have been tagged, he has no actual working knowledge of how such a thing is done. He therefore ruled out tagging the mouse. Jake also quickly rejected all of the other suggestions that included branding and/or tattooing the mouse. Painting the mouse's toenails with toenail polish was actually considered somewhat seriously, but after Jake's recent mouse wrangling incident, he discarded this option as well. There was only one option left. Queen Molly insisted that King Jake had to transport the miscreant mouse so far from the castle that there would be no possible way that the mouse could return. Hmmmm Jake asked, "How far is that exactly?" Molly thought for a moment and then stated unequivocally that the mouse had to be taken at least one physical mile from the castle. What Jake said? An entire mile? The mouse has little legs. He is not going to hike half that far just to return to our home. Our crumbs can't possibly be that much superior to our neighbors crumbs that this fellow would want to hike all the way back to our house. Queen Molly didn't say a word and just kept pointing out the door toward the dark and foreboding Pohick National Forest. Jake grumbled a little, but dutifully grabbed the mouse containment facility and headed out on his quest. As soon as Jake entered the forest and was out of sight of the castle, a thought struck him. What if I just let the mouse loose here and then wait for an appropriate amount of time. I can claim that I took the mouse a mile from the house and Molly would never know the difference. No. Jake quickly gave up on this idea because even though Jake had no idea how she did it, Molly always seemed to catch him when he tried this sort of scheme. As King Jake was hiking along a trail, he happened upon one of the local residents out for his morning constitutional. The gentleman eyed Jake suspiciously in the way that one would eye a stranger encountered in the middle of the forest who is carrying a large jar containing a mouse. Jake who was attempting to allay the gentleman's fears asked the man in a friendly manner, "Would you like to see my mouse?" The gentleman with large frightened eyes quickly shook his head and stepped as far away from Jake as he could and moved off in what could easily be described as a double time. Hmmmmmm. I guess I did not allay his fears, Jake thought to himself. After what seemed to be a considerable period of time Jake finally arrived at a location he deemed to be at least one mile distant from the castle. Jake had no sooner loosened the cap of the mouse jar when the mouse leapt from the jar and disappeared in the blink of an eye. Well, that's a fine how do you do. Not even a polite goodbye. During Jake's hike back to the castle, he had a eerie sensation that he was being watched. He kept looking around but he never caught sight of anyone following him. Nothing to worry about Jake thought, but having seen one two many horror movies, Jake realized that this was always the moment that a large fellow with a hockey mask and chain saw was likely to appear. Stop it Jake. You're just making yourself crazy. Perhaps Jake thought, it was just the mouse attempting to follow him back to the castle. Perhaps we really should have painted his toenails after all. Oh well, I guess we can give that a try for number nine.

Mouse War Index

Mouse War - Fun with the King

So, today was apparently "Have fun at the expense of the King" day at the pohick castle. King Jake was minding his own business and doing some work in his upstairs den. Out of nowhere, Jake heard Queen Molly let out a blood curdling, "I saw a mouse" scream. "Rut Row", Jake muttered to himself. Here we go again. Jake wasting no time, headed downstairs ready to do battle with this latest beady eyed interloper. As Jake was enroute to the scene of the commotion he heard Queen Molly Shout, "Bring the mouse Jar! I've got the mouse trapped". Wow, Jake said to himself! What a stroke of luck. Maybe this time, I won't have to chase the mouse all over the house and almost burn the joint down in the process. Jake quickly grabbed the mouse jar and arrived at the standoff. Molly was sitting on top of a cardboard box. Again, Jake said "Wow"! How'd you manage to put that cardboard box on top of the mouse? A periodic thumping could be heard coming from underneath the box. Jake in his most knowledgeable manner explained that the mouse was jumping up and down trying to escape. "I have experience with these critters. I know every move their going to make." Queen Molly then said, "I'll lift up the box and you grab him." "Wait Jake screamed! He'll just take off running. Get a knife and we'll open up the top of the box." Molly grabbed a knife and carefully cut open the top of the box. Jake readied the mouse jar just as the box burst open revealing the biggest mouse that Jake had ever seen. Sometimes it takes a moment or two for the brain to register all of the conflicting signals it is receiving. For a heart beat or two, Jake's "Fight or Flight" systems kicked into high gear. We are talking about a serious adrenaline rush. Wait, that's no mouse. That's Princess Yellow Hair dressed up like a mouse. Hmmmmmm..... Oh Well, Jake is a big boy and doesn't mind a little harmless fun. It does seem somewhat cruel and unusual to take advantage of his vulnerable state of mind given his unfortunate ordeal with the mouse the other day. I guess this means that Jake can finally get out of the dog house.

Mouse War Index

Here is an index chronicling King Jake's ongoing battle with the evil Mouse Empire.





Feb 16, 2006 - Mouse Wars
Feb 18, 2006 - Battle of the Cough Drop
Feb 20, 2006 - The People Strike Back
Feb 21, 2006 - The Collaborators
Feb 22, 2006 - King Jake Goes Under Cover
Feb 23, 2006 - The Return of the King
Feb 24, 2006 - Who moved the King's Cheese?
Mar 29, 2006 - Return of the Mice
Mar 30, 2006 - Score One for the Good Guys
Mar 31, 2006 - The Trial
Apr 2, 2006 - Mr. Mouse Banished
Apr 19, 2006 - King Gone Mad
Apr 23, 2006 - Fun with the King
May 4, 2006 - One Mile
May 9, 2006 - Choosy Mice Choose Jif
Sep 24, 2006 - Mouse War Revisited
Sep 26, 2006 - Mouse Nabbed
Oct 1, 2006 - Dirty Dozen

Mouse War - King Gone Mad

Why is one of the royal living room recliners on the front porch? Why is King Jake holding a big stick in one hand and a flaming mitt in the other? This is the spectacle to which Queen Molly returned this afternoon. Would you like to hazard a guess as to what circuitous chain of events created this particular diorama? Truth is of course stranger than fiction and apparently King Jake went slightly insane today.
The mice are back you see. Jake dutifully dusted off the Victor Live Catch Mouse Traps, Baited them with a fine selection of peanut butter and crackers and set them out for some of the unsuspecting mouse marauders. Low and behold a mouse was caught (Number 7 by last count). Well, since Jake was off defending the Kingdom, Queen Molly decided to remove the mouse from the trap and place him in the mouse holding facility. Hurrah for the brave Queen Molly! Queen Molly then departed for an afternoon of instructing the young ladies of the kingdom in the fine art of basket weaving or some such.
Jake upon returning to the castle noticed the mouse and for some unknown reason decided it would be fun to poke and prod the mouse just a little. The mouse was not especially amused with this activity and took the opportunity to run up Jake's arm and scampered onto the kitchen counter. Thus began a tale of woe and misery.
Jake looked at the mouse and the mouse looked at Jake in the beady way that only a mouse can look at someone. Jake then began to mutter "Rut Row" and became fixated on the fact that he was probably going to be in a small bind with Queen Molly who left specific instructions not to touch the mouse other than march him far from the house and release him. Jake then began to beg the mouse to get back into the jar before Queen Molly returned. Unfortunately, the mouse did not consider this course of action to be in his best interest, so he politely but firmly declined. Jake then decided that brute force was his next best option and began chasing the mouse madly throughout the house leaving a swath of destruction in his wake. On several occasions, Jake thought he had the mouse cornered, but he learned that the mouse probably had at least a little Kangaroo blood in him as he had an impressive vertical leap.
Getting nowhere, Jake decided that he was outclassed and the clock was ticking ever closer marking the time of Queen Molly's return. Jake summoned Princess StarrySpark who inquired, "Why did you let the mouse loose? Didn't mother say to leave it alone?" Oh the anguish of it all. "Yes she did. Please help me catch it and quickly." With StarrySpark's assistance, Jake managed to corner the mouse under a recliner in the living room. Wait, where did he go? Mr. Mouse had climbed up into the hollow arm of the chair and was spread eagle across the top, looking like some ninja character from a kungfoo movie. But how to get him back in the jar. That's when the inspiration hit Jake. "We don't have to get him in the Jar. We just have to get him out of the house before Molly returns." They quickly grabbed the chair and ran to the front porch. At last, victory..... Just at this moment the fire alarm went off. Apparently, during the ruckus, Jake had knocked an oven mitt onto the stove which chose this moment to burst into flames. Jake grabbed the mitt dashed to the porch and was preparing to extinguish the burning mitt when of course what to his wondering eyes should appear? Queen Molly selected this moment to pull up in the driveway. She just starred at the smoke poring out of the house, living room furniture on the porch, Jake holding a flaming oven mitt and holding a stick. Then Jake, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible said, "Hello dear, how was your day?" Molly speaking loudly so that she could be heard over the smoke alarm said, "Jake is there something you would like to tell me?" Jake thought quickly, but decided that despite his ingenuity, he really didn't have a plausible explanation.
At this moment, the mouse decided that he would rather take his chances at some other location. He dropped out of the chair, scurried across the yard and never looked back. King Jake watched him go and wished he could do the same. Don't worry about Jake. He's been in worse trouble before. Maybe next time Jake will listen to Queen Molly. You never know.

Mouse War - Mr. Mouse Banished

Pohick National News (PNN) April 2, 2006 - Political turmoil reigned today in the Kingdom of Pohick. Despite a last minute appeal to the Pohick Supreme Court and a Writ of Certiorari issued by the court, King Jake ordered the banishment of Mr. Mouse from the kingdom. Rumor has it that Queen Molly put her foot down and demanded that the King carry out with the sentence. King Jake being more afraid of the Queen than the Pohick Supreme Court ordered the sentence carried out. The bailiff, Princess Yellow Hair followed the King's instructions. She transported Mr. Mouse to the edge of the Pohick National Forest and released him with this warning.

Princess Yellow Hair: I'm sorry Mr. Mouse, but you are forever banished from the Kingdom of Pohick. We wish you well though and hope that you will meet up with a nice mouse lady and raise a family some place far away from the Kingdom of Pohick. So Mr. Mouse, now that you've been banished, where are you going to go?

Mr. Mouse: I'm going to Disney World. I hear that they need a stunt double for Mickey. I can take a punch you know. And that Minnie... She's a looker.

With that, Mr. Mouse turned tail (literally) and headed down the trail in the direction of Disney World. Perhaps we will see Mr. Mouse again some day. We wish him the best of luck.

Mouse War - The Trial

Pohick National News (PNN) March 31, 2006 - There was major activity in the trial of Mr. Mouse today. In this transcript of the trial, Judge Jake accepted the plea of Mr. Mouse.

Judge Jake: Mr. Mouse, how do you plead.

Mr. Mouse: On the advice of my lawyer, I plead Nolo Contendere.

Judge Jake: Oh you do do you? You must be one of those slick city mice. That stuff may wash in the big city, but around here it's just a plain old fashioned Guilty or Innocent. Now what is it?

Mr. Mouse and his defense council Princess StarrySpark huddle close and whisper.

Mr. Mouse: In light of the choices your honor, I plead not guilty.

After opening remarks, by both the prosecution and defense, the prosecution called its key witness, Queen Molly.

Prosecutor: Queen Molly, in your own words, can you describe the events 30 March.

Queen Molly: Sure. It was about 7AM. I know this because I was getting ready for work. I just happened to look in the spice cabinet and notice that one of the Victor live catch mouse traps had been sprung. I opened the trap and saw Mr. Mouse.

Prosecutor: Would you please point out the mouse that you saw?

Queen Molly points at Mr. Mouse.

Prosecutor: If it would please the court, I would like the record show that Queen Molly pointed at the defendant. Then what happened Queen Molly?

Queen Molly: I screamed of course. Then after a fierce struggle, I managed to subdue the beady eyed little creep.

Princess StarrySpark: Objection Your Honor. Malicious and slanderous characterization of the defendant.

Judge Jake: Sustained. Please refrain from calling the defendant a beady eyed little creep. Even though he is kind of beady eyed.

At the end of the trial, Judge Jake received the verdict from the jury.

Judge Jake: Madam Foreman, have you reached a decision.

Guinea Pig #1: We have your honor.

Judge Jake: And how do you find?

Guinea Pig #1: Your honor, we find the defendant guilty on all counts.

Pandemonium in the court room.

Mr. Mouse (Yelling): I'll get even with you stupid guinea pigs. You think you're so much better than me. You live in a cage and squeak for food all day.

Judge Jake: Order....Order..... Mr. Mouse, you have been found guilty by a jury of your peers. Before I pass sentence, are there any mitigating circumstances I should know about?

Mr. Mouse: I don't accept those guinea pigs as my peers. They are doing exactly what the king wants. Do you think they would do anything to jeopardize their cushy little existence? I think not. I've had a hard life your honor. Sure, I've done some bad things, but I had to do them to survive.

Judge Jake: I appreciate the fact that you've had some tough breaks Mr. Mouse. That's is why I'm going to be lenient. I lieu of other punishment, I hereby banish you from the Kingdom of Pohick, sentence to be carried out immediately. Bailiff, carry out the sentence.

Mr. Mouse is carried away from the Kingdom of Pohick. Tune in tomorrow to PNN to see Mr. Mouse's expulsion from the Kingdom of Pohick.

Mouse War - Score one for the good guys

Pohick News Network (PNN) Today at the little cabin on the edge of the Pohick National Forest, a senior member of the Mouse Gang finally slipped up and got himself nabbed. Mr. Mouse as he calls himself, was caught red handed (footed?) in one of the Victor Live Catch Mouse Traps. Queen Molly who was checking the status of the traps was caught somewhat off guard during the ordeal. Thinking that the trap had been prematurely sprung and entirely vacant, she opened the door of the trap and found a pair of beady little eyes looking back at her. We don't want to characterize the resulting scream as loud, but suffice it to say that several pains of glass in the little cabin must now be replaced. Despite her shock, Queen Molly managed to keep her cool and wrestle the rodent into a confinement facility where he is now awaiting trial. Princess Yellow Hair has agreed to serve as council for the defense and King Jake will precide on the bench. Charges include conspiracy, breaking and entering, misappropriation of vitals and Ratateering. A speedy trial is planned in order to prevent any protests from the rodent community. The guinea pigs have not returned any calls, but their spokeswoman Princess StarrySpark issued a statement on their behalf denying any involvement in the criminal activities. Tune in daily to PNN for continuing coverage of this landmark trial.

Mouse War - Return of the Mice

After laying low for the last two months, the mice have returned with a vengence. They have obviously improved their game as well. King Jake was practically apoplectic when he discovered that mice had violated the long standing truce. This time, they invaded the spice cabinet and tore open a package of Jake's favorite pasta sauce. Vowing to get revenge for this unprovocted incursion, Jake immediately baited and set the Victor Live Catch mouse traps. There was a good deal of muttering about unconventional warfare under his breath, but for now at least, Jake has agreed refrain from a major escalation of warfare. This was primarily at the behest of Queen Molly who gently reminded Jake of the results of his last engagement with the mice.

Who moved the King's Cheese?

The pohick ladies decided to stage an intervention today because of the eradic behavior that King Jake has been exhibiting all week concerning his mouse obsession. As part of the intervention, they gave Jake a copy of the book, Who Moved My Cheese. The message of Who Moved My Cheese is that change can be a blessing or a curse, depending on your perspective. Who Moved My Cheese? is a parable that takes place in a maze. Four beings live in that maze: Sniff and Scurry are mice--nonanalytical and nonjudgmental, they just want cheese and are willing to do whatever it takes to get it. Hem and Haw are "littlepeople," mouse-size humans who have an entirely different relationship with cheese. It's not just sustenance to them; it's their self-image. Their lives and belief systems are built around the cheese they've found. Most of us reading the story will see the cheese as something related to our livelihoods--our jobs, our career paths, the industries we work in--although it can stand for anything, from health to relationships. The point of the story is that we have to be alert to changes in the cheese, and be prepared to go running off in search of new sources of cheese when the cheese we have runs out. The ladies are hoping Jake will actually read the book since it talks about cheese and will move on with his life.

Mouse War - The Return of the King

The Pohick ladies found King Jake in a terrible state (Not New Jersey) today when they returned home. Apparently the Guinea Pigs had given King Jake some bad data. Despite the ingenious disguise King Jake was wearing, the mice were able to figure him out. Jake claims that the mice were speaking a slightly different dialect than he was expecting and they caught on to him. When trying to make his get away, Jake found that the nice Cheddars of the World Assortment he was planning to use to distract the mice was all gone. It was a long walk he claimed and his tummy got a little rumbly. Jake tried to make a run for it, but having gobbled all the cheese, he just couldn't run very fast. After the girls got him untied, he announced a new policy of tolerance toward the Pohick Mice and won't take any actions to antagonize them in the future.

Mouse War - King Jake Goes Under Cover

Day two of operation mouse trap and still no luck. The mice have been laying low. The Guinea Pigs now claim that the mice are in hiding somewhere in the moutains of the Pohick National Forest. This area is very inhospitable for people. Using the information gained from the Guinea Pigs and an ingeniously clever disguise, King Jake intends to infiltrate the pohick mouse base camp in order to determine where and when they plan to strike next. King Jake then intends to exfiltrate his intelligence back to the little cabin on the edge of the Pohick National Forest where he will set up a carefully planned ambush to capture the top brass of the mouse gang. In case King Jake is captured, he intends to carry with him a nice Cheddars of the World Assortment with which he will use to distract the mice until he can make his escape. We all wish King Jake good luck and god speed as he undertakes this dangerous mission.

Mouse War - The collaborators

This morning King Jake rushed to the kitchen to see if he had managed to capture any of the Pohick Mice in the Victor Live Catch Mouse Traps. Alas, there was no such luck. Both traps had been sprung, but neither had entrapped a member of the nefarious gang of mouse hoodlums. As you can imagine, this put King Jake into a very despondent mood. He had placed high hopes in his mouse entrapment technology. What had gone wrong? The mouse catching instructions had been followed to the letter. Trap baited with Peanut Butter. Check. Trap placed in high mouse traffic area. Check. Not a lot of potential failure points. There could only be one other explanation for the failure of the traps to ensnare one of the midnight requisitioning rodents. They had been tipped off. King Jake immediately began rounding up all of the likely mouse sympathizers and collaborators in the Kingdom. These suspects were taken to an undisclosed secure holding facility where they were interogated about their knowledge of mice activities. None of these disloyal mouse lovers has yet confessed to the deed, but there is high likelihood that they will crack soon. There won't be any more Guinea Pig Treats until they do. Don't worry, they have all been treated humanely...errrr... I mean Guinea Pigmanely. They are provided with high quality provisions including, Care Fresh Bedding, Kaytee Timothy Hay, and lots of Fresh Carrots.

Mouse War - The People Strike Back

After returning home from the Emerald City to the little cabin on the edge of the Pohick National Forest it was apparent that the mice were running amuck during our absence. Evidence of their visit was found in each of the kitchen drawers and under the sink. The Pohick Clan went to the Ace Hardware Store and purchased a pair of Victor Live Catch Mouse Traps.  Princess YellowHair baited the traps with Peter Pan Peanut Butter and Nabisco Premium Saltine Crackers. It's a good thing that King Jake is not a mouse because as soon as he saw the peanut butter and crackers, his stomach started rumbling. One can easily envision King Jake blindly climbing into a people size mouse trap in order to get at the peanut butter and crackers. One of the mouse traps was placed in the kitchen drawer where the Halls Cough Drops were located. The other trap went under the sink where the large quantity of mouse doodles indicates a hot mouse nightspot. We will see if the party mood of the mice continues after one or two of their little buddies get themselves locked in the slammer. I highly doubt that the judge will be willing to grant bail.

Mouse War - Battle of the Cough Drop

As predicted the battle between the Pohick Mice and the Pohick people has escalated. After moving all of our food products from the set of cabinets that the mouse appears to favor, the only thing we didn't move was a bag of Halls Fruit Breezers cough drops. Apparently the mouse has developed a sore throat. Or maybe, Mr. Mouse decided that since he went to all of the trouble to infiltrate our impenetrable fortress, he might as well help himself to whatever was available. He opened the bag of Halls Fruit Breezers, grabbed a cough drop and then climbed through the cabinets to another drawer where he opened the cough drop and began to nibble. King Jake, who has become obsessed with catching the mouse, tiptoed into the kitchen this morning and began to whip open the various kitchen cabinets. Maybe it was his mind playing tricks on him, but he swears that he heard the scurrying of little feet and began screaming for all of the other residents of the little log cabin to converge in the kitchen. Queen Molly contends that there is very little chance that King Jake heard anything given all of the crashing of pots and pans as King Jake tore threw the kitchen like a whirling dervish. King Jake is now contemplating his next move in the escalating mouse war. Possible courses of action include: 1. Hire a professional mouse exterminator (Unlikely, where's the fun in that) 2. Laser Alarm Trip Sensor (Hmmm, Maybe a little complex, but Lasers are definitely fun) 3. Good old fashioned lethal Mouse Trap (Maybe, but King Jake apparently already has a low opinion rating based on some of the comments) 4. Or maybe a non-lethal Mouse Trap (King Jake will have to do some research on that one). King Jake must admit that he would like nothing better than to catch the culprit alive. That way he can parade the mouse in front of the media and use him as an example for any other potential malcontents. And no, there are not any Geneva Convention rules that prohibit the parading of captured rodents in front of the media. The mouse represents no legal power and can be held indefinitely. King Jake might have to be concerned about the PETA people, but as long as he is not planning to eat the mouse they probably have bigger fish to fry (oops, sorry about that).

Mouse Wars

So there I was just minding my own business. I was cooking some hamburgers for my family's dinner this evening, when what did I discover? I discovered the evidence. There was a hole in the side of the hamburger bun bag. That's very odd I said to myself. Then I noticed the tiny itty bitty little teeth marks in the hamburger buns. And then I noticed the tiny itty bitty little mouse doodles scattered around the bread drawer. Yuck that's nasty. Now don't get me wrong. I don't have anything in particular against rodents. In fact, we actually have a couple of guinea pigs as pets. They mind their own business, pay their rent on time and don't throw wild parties while we are gone. Or so we thought. Now, I feel compelled to get one of those nanny cameras to see what kind of crazy rodent extravaganzas are taking place when we are not around. I don't have special animosity towards rodents, but I certainly don't want them crawling around in our bread drawer helping themselves to a feast. Queen Molly and I spent the last couple of hours attempting to mouse proof the kitchen cabinets. This proved to be almost impossible given all of the nooks and crannies in the kitchen. Despite our efforts, this is probably just the first salvo in what will eventually be a long and protracted war between the pohick mice and the pohick people. Just remember who drew first blood though. Ahhh, I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like........Victory.........