Friday, March 31, 2006

Mouse War - The Trial

Pohick National News (PNN) March 31, 2006 - There was major activity in the trial of Mr. Mouse today. In this transcript of the trial, Judge Jake accepted the plea of Mr. Mouse.

Judge Jake: Mr. Mouse, how do you plead.

Mr. Mouse: On the advice of my lawyer, I plead Nolo Contendere.

Judge Jake: Oh you do do you? You must be one of those slick city mice. That stuff may wash in the big city, but around here it's just a plain old fashioned Guilty or Innocent. Now what is it?

Mr. Mouse and his defense council Princess StarrySpark huddle close and whisper.

Mr. Mouse: In light of the choices your honor, I plead not guilty.

After opening remarks, by both the prosecution and defense, the prosecution called its key witness, Queen Molly.

Prosecutor: Queen Molly, in your own words, can you describe the events 30 March.

Queen Molly: Sure. It was about 7AM. I know this because I was getting ready for work. I just happened to look in the spice cabinet and notice that one of the Victor live catch mouse traps had been sprung. I opened the trap and saw Mr. Mouse.

Prosecutor: Would you please point out the mouse that you saw?

Queen Molly points at Mr. Mouse.

Prosecutor: If it would please the court, I would like the record show that Queen Molly pointed at the defendant. Then what happened Queen Molly?

Queen Molly: I screamed of course. Then after a fierce struggle, I managed to subdue the beady eyed little creep.

Princess StarrySpark: Objection Your Honor. Malicious and slanderous characterization of the defendant.

Judge Jake: Sustained. Please refrain from calling the defendant a beady eyed little creep. Even though he is kind of beady eyed.

At the end of the trial, Judge Jake received the verdict from the jury.

Judge Jake: Madam Foreman, have you reached a decision.

Guinea Pig #1: We have your honor.

Judge Jake: And how do you find?

Guinea Pig #1: Your honor, we find the defendant guilty on all counts.

Pandemonium in the court room.

Mr. Mouse (Yelling): I'll get even with you stupid guinea pigs. You think you're so much better than me. You live in a cage and squeak for food all day.

Judge Jake: Order....Order..... Mr. Mouse, you have been found guilty by a jury of your peers. Before I pass sentence, are there any mitigating circumstances I should know about?

Mr. Mouse: I don't accept those guinea pigs as my peers. They are doing exactly what the king wants. Do you think they would do anything to jeopardize their cushy little existence? I think not. I've had a hard life your honor. Sure, I've done some bad things, but I had to do them to survive.

Judge Jake: I appreciate the fact that you've had some tough breaks Mr. Mouse. That's is why I'm going to be lenient. I lieu of other punishment, I hereby banish you from the Kingdom of Pohick, sentence to be carried out immediately. Bailiff, carry out the sentence.

Mr. Mouse is carried away from the Kingdom of Pohick. Tune in tomorrow to PNN to see Mr. Mouse's expulsion from the Kingdom of Pohick.


Anonymous said...

The Pohick National Forest Mouse Party strongly protests the proceedings rendered by Judge Jake. They say that they do not recognize that court and that it was an illegal banishment. They claim that the Pohick Mice were here long before the critters that walk around on their hind legs. They claim to be the tenants of the land. This proceeding was a farce by hind paw walking squatters. They stated that they will not leave the land and that they are free to occupy any shack that the hindleggers put in. The bits of food stores are their taxes and rent for their land. They even got personal with Judge Jake stating this is a judge that can’t even tell when he’s putting his shirt on inside out. What kind of judgment skills does he possess? This furthered their claim that this was an illegal trial put together with a puppet committee of henchmen at the whim of Queen Molly because she knows the real truth. The truth you don’t want to know about. The truth you deserve, Mice combed the Pohick Forest before the humans were even walking erect and eating bugs, nuts and berries. They had poor hygiene practices eating each others lice, having bad breath and rotting teeth. The Pohick Mice will get their revenge and it will be sweet! Like the cough drops.

Scoop Whiskers said...

Associated Press - approved for release on April 2, 2006.
By Scoop Whiskers.

Mouse takes case to the top.
Mr. Mouse has appealed the decision of Judge Jake, which banished him from the Kindom of Pohick, to the Supeme Court of Pohick. The Court has granted the writ of certiorari. Oral Arguments are scheduled for April 15, 2006, universally known as Payin' the Man Day to all Pohick taxpayers. Briefs are due next week and each side will have 15 minutes to argue its side of the case on the 15th. The Court will release its opinion 15 weeks from the 15th.

The use of the number 15 by the court dates back to 1515 when the first court of justice was utilized by the 15 tribes of Zutawahara, an ancient land from which the first settlor of Pohick hailed. Each tribe had 15 male members and 15 female members - each new birth resulted in a sacrifice to the 15 gods. The tribes utilized a 15 month calendar, with 15 days and 15 hours per day.

Clublint said...

I'm just glad that the guinea pigs came back with a verdict of guilty, seeing as their involvement in the goings on of Mr Mouse was questioned, as per your previous report:

"...The guinea pigs have not returned any calls, but their spokeswoman Princess StarrySpark issued a statement on their behalf denying any involvement in the criminal activities..."

If they'd come back with a not guilty verdict, I would have called for a mistrial and started again, so all is well that ends well.

Great blog and I've really enjoyed reading it.

Found you via BlogAdvance.